


Smoke and Ashes

by lanalucy



Series: Home Is Where the Heart Is [15]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Flying, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Implied Relationships, Male-Female Friendship, Texts From Last Night, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 01:34:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3750019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanalucy/pseuds/lanalucy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara loses someone important to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smoke and Ashes

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: TFLN I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to fight. Just take me to bed, right now.
> 
> Beta by newnumbertwo and laura_mayfair <3

Karl caught sight of Kara coming up the front walk and he went to find Helena. “Hey, kiddo. How about you call your gramma to come get you and the boys? Momma and I have something to talk about.”

“Dad...you and Mom aren’t getting divorced, are you?” There was more than a hint of Kara’s stubbornness in her tone.

He walked over to the bed and sat down. “Your mom and I are staying together no matter what. We fight sometimes because that’s just how your mother is. But she’s not leaving me, and I’m never leaving her. Okay?” He ruffled Helena’s hair.

She almost smiled, nodded decisively, and picked up the phone.

“Tell gramma you’re spending the night, baby.” Karl watched Helena start shoving clothes into a backpack while she was talking to his mom. She was efficient - got that from Kara. By the time someone got here, she’d have all three of them and their backpacks waiting on the porch. He smiled and headed for the front door.

Kara walked in, and he was standing there leaning against the back of the couch. She tightened her mouth in a grim line and just stood there.

“Kara -”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to fight. Just take me to bed, right now.”

He held out his hand and pulled her toward their bedroom. She stood stiffly while he undressed her, and waited without speaking while he shucked his clothes. He guided her toward the bed and yanked down the covers, then picked her up and dropped her in the middle of the bed. He got in, pulled the covers up and put his arm under her neck. He went to kiss her and she froze.

“I ca-” She bit her lip and tried again. “Just hold me. I can’t do anything else right now.”

She rolled onto her side and Karl pulled her tight against his front and wrapped his arms and a leg around her. Whatever this was, it was bad.

When he woke, he was disoriented for a moment: the house was completely quiet. Then he remembered the kids had gone to his mother’s and everything snapped back into place. He cuddled back up behind Kara to find her trembling. “Kara?”

She rolled over, buried her face in his chest and started crying. He braced himself. If Kara was crying, something was very wrong. He rubbed her back and let her cry herself out.

Hours later, Kara turned away and Karl started awake. He listened to her breathing, let her have her space. He wasn’t really much surprised when she got up and he heard the back door click shut quietly. When she couldn’t handle something any other way, she painted.

There was no way he’d get back to sleep now, so he got up, pulled on some shorts, made coffee and a couple of sandwiches, added a handful of her favorite cookies, and went out to see if she was ready to talk.

The studio was its usual controlled chaos, so he set the stuff down on the table by the door and starting picking up. He left her alone, just letting her know he was close when she was ready. She continued to paint, growled in frustration, moved that canvas aside and picked up a fresh one and started over again. After a few minutes, he noticed she wasn’t moving, had turned on the stool staring out into the room with red-rimmed eyes shiny with fresh tears. Spatters of paint dotted her skin; she hadn’t put anything on when she’d come out here.

He carried her coffee over and she grasped for it with shaky hands. The knot in the pit of his stomach curled tighter - he hadn’t seen her like this since her mother had died, and back then she’d disappeared for three weeks without a word to anyone. By the time she’d come back, he’d been frantic. He curled his fingers into a fist to stop the tremor, pushed her hair behind her ears, and bent to kiss the top of her head, then went back to straightening.

“You know I love you, right?” Kara’s voice was hoarse, and when he looked at her, her face was blotchy. Much as he thought she was always beautiful, Kara wasn’t one of those pretty criers.

“I know. You can’t live without me,” he teased lightly. He didn’t expect her to set the cup down and walk over to him.

“I really, really can’t, Karl. I don’t know what would happen if I lost you.” She looked far away for a moment, then she was back. “Sometimes I wonder how my life would be if we hadn’t met when we were kids. I don’t think I’d have been okay, Karl. I’m not sure I’d have survived to graduate high school.”

He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth. “But we did meet, and you did survive, and you’ve got all of the Agathons in your corner, so whatever this is, you can handle it, because every one of us will help carry you if we need to.”

She kissed his chest. “Hmm. Why’d you fall in love with me, Karl?”

“I don’t know. I think it was the way you pretended to watch a horror movie so you could have your way with me.”

She flicked his jaw lightly. “Frak off, Agathon. I think it was the other way around. You didn’t even pretend to be interested in that stupid movie.”

He nodded. “I wasn’t. I was only interested in you, and even back then I knew I had to wait for you to come to me.”

She laid her cheek back on his chest, and stood there for a couple of minutes. “Zak Adama died.”

“I’m sorry. I know you loved him.”

“I did. He was a sorry-ass Viper pilot, but once I got him switched to Raptors, he took to flying like he was made for it.”

“How’d it happen?”

“Routine training exercise, supposedly. He wasn’t the only one. They were training another Raptor pilot and ECO. All four of ‘em bought it.”

“You talked to Lee yet?”

“Oh, gods! What am I gonna say to him, Karl? He dotes on his kid brother. And what about the Old Man? Frak.”

“Hey. Settle, Kara. We’ll take care of it. Do you want us to have the thing here? Is his mom still off-planet?”

She dug her nose into his chest, as if the physical pain could make her focus. “Here’s probably best, yeah. Lee and the Old Man are both deployed on battlestars. He’ll have a Fleet funeral, of course, but there’s no one around here who’s family.”

“We are. I’ll call mom in the morning, and she can get my sisters to start planning. You know they’ll take care of everything.”

She nodded. “Okay. Tell your mom thanks. And your sisters. Gods, the house is such a mess. I haven’t cleaned in a week. Frak!”

“They won’t care, Kara. Mom and the girls will take care of everything - the kids, trips to the transport station, cleaning the house, whatever needs to be done. All you’ll have to do is be there for Lee.”

She stood back just a bit and looked up at him. “Not sure how I deserve you.”

Karl grinned at her. “You don’t, but nobody else would have me, so you got stuck with me.”

A smile ghosted across her face, and she tilted her face up for kiss. “Will you take me to bed now? I need -”

He pulled her up so she was wrapped around his waist. “I know exactly what you need, Kara Agathon.”

He pretended to leer at her, and all it did was make her giggle for a second, then cover her mouth. She reached up to hold his face in both hands, and kissed him gently. “You always know what I need, Karl Agathon.”

He was gentle at first, worked his way up to the pain. He never really enjoyed that, but understood that sometimes Kara needed it to make peace with things, and he’d rather do it than for her to do any of the number of other things she’d tried over the years. By the time they were finished, she was clinging to him, gasping for breath, the pain in her heart redirected for a while. She settled into sleep as he watched her, and he pulled her close, knowing she’d need this again tomorrow and maybe the next day, and the day after that.

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Lee?”

The connection sang with silence, then Lee answered, his voice raspy. “Kara.”

She didn’t know what to say, where he was, if he could speak freely. “I know there’s going to be the military funeral, for Fleet. We’re going to have the personal service here. At our house.”

Again the silence, then a broken, “Good. That - that’s good. Do you need anything from me? Or my mom?”

“We’ll take care of everything, Lee. Just -”

“I know. I’ll tell my mom and dad. Kara -”

She didn’t want to cry right now. “Me, too, Lee. I’ll see you in a couple of days.”

The connection broke, and she put the phone in her pocket. She looked around the house, at the breakfast dishes still on the table, the vid chips scattered on the shelf under the screen, the general lived-in mess of her home. She had the morning to herself, and she needed to work off this energy. She applied herself to cleaning everything in sight, but when she finally climbed into the shower, she couldn’t stop the tears.

She heard voices from the front of the house - one of the girls must’ve picked up the twins from school. Thank gods for Karl’s family. Her kids would still be sitting at the school, wondering where their mother was. She scrubbed down roughly, determined to control this constant urge to cry. Then she stepped out of the head, wrapping the towel around herself, and Kristos and Markos were sitting on the trunk at the foot of the bed, watching her with their big eyes and solemn expressions.

She sat on the trunk and gathered them into her arms, and the tears came again anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara rushed home after the Fleet funeral and changed clothes. It was _her_ mourning Zak, not a flight instructor, and she wanted to say goodbye as herself. She put on jeans and a t-shirt, then a pair of earrings Zak had gotten her for Solstice one year. When the doorbell rang, she looked herself in the mirror and nodded, then headed for the living room.

Soon as she saw Lee, she hurried forward and wrapped her arms around him. They stood there for a few moments, then she heard his mother clear her throat. Beside Mrs. Adama was a slender redhead. “Lee?”

“Oh! Kara, this is Laura. Laura Roslin.”

Kara held her hand out, and Laura shook it, covering their hands with her other one. “It’s lovely to meet you, Kara.”

Kara nodded and gave Lee’s mom a brief hug. The woman had never liked her, but that really didn’t matter today. She’d lost a son, and gods knew she had to be hurting. “Welcome, Carolanne. I’m glad you let us do this for you.”

Carolanne blinked and didn’t say anything. Kara turned and ushered the three of them toward the living room, where she could hear Antonia and Kassandra chatting with someone who’d arrived early. She pulled the screen shut and left the door open; she could see other people getting out of their cars. People needed to be able to come and go if they got overwhelmed. She probably would, but today she wouldn’t have that luxury. She needed to be here for Lee.

Karl came in with Kandace and the kids, and the group got livelier. Lee worked the crowd, though he checked in with his mother and Laura frequently. Laura seemed a little uncomfortable, but if the first time she’d met the family was a frakkin’ funeral, she’d be uncomfortable, too. She moved across the room, feeling a hand slip into hers as she approached Laura.

“Hi, mommy.”

“Markos.” Another couple of steps and she stood next to Laura. “You doing okay?”

Laura nodded, made a humming sound. “Just watching Lee. He seems in his element, despite the circumstances.”

“Lee’s good at making people feel comfortable. A little more seasoning, and I bet he’ll be a fantastic XO or Commander.”

“I imagine he will.”

There was a ripple in the air, and Kara glanced around to see the Old Man coming in the door. He and Carolanne had been on opposite sides of the coffin at the funeral, refusing to look at each other. She turned to greet him, and Laura touched her arm.

“Is that -?”

“The Old Man? Yeah. That’s Lee’s dad.”

Laura looked uncertain for a moment. “We haven’t met. I think his son’s service isn’t the right time.”

Kara took a harder look at Laura Roslin. She maybe should have known something was up. Lee wouldn’t bring just anybody to a frakkin’ funeral. And the way Carolanne had studiously ignored Laura when they came in, even though they were together. “Are you guys…” she lowered her voice, “dating?”

A tiny laugh, then Laura covered her mouth. “I don’t know that I would call it dating, precisely, but we are enjoying each other’s company, yes. When he can get here.”

Kara looked across the room and caught Lee’s eyes, nodded her chin toward his dad, then looked back at Laura. “It’s about frakking time.” She squeezed Laura’s arm and added, “It’s really good to finally meet you. She looked down at Markos attached to her leg, and said, “Hey, kiddo. Can you keep this lovely woman company while I go talk to the Old Man?”

“Okay.”

She turned toward the front door and behind her heard, “I’m Markos. Who are you? Are you a friend of my mom’s? I’m a twin. Do you have a brother?”

She and Lee approached the Old Man at the same time, and she stepped back, letting them have their moment. They didn’t always get along, but today, there shouldn’t be anything for them to argue about. Lee moved to the side, and Bill Adama opened his arms to her. “Kara,” he rumbled. “It’s good to see you.”

She swallowed and held on tighter for a few seconds. “It’s good to see you, too, sir.” When he let go, she craned her head up and whispered, “Carolanne’s here.”

He flashed his teeth at her, not exactly a smile, and said, “I’ll behave.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kara was missing, and a cursory glance around the room didn’t find Lee, either. He checked the head, then went toward the kitchen. Laura Roslin was standing in the breakfast nook, looking out the window at Lee and Kara on the porch swing.

He approached quietly, touching her shoulder as he came abreast of her. “Those two are something else.”

She made a low sound, looked at him out of the corner of her eye, and said, “It doesn’t bother you?”

He looked again. The two of them were swinging lazily, Kara’s head on Lee’s shoulder, his arm around her. Kara was playing with her hands. He almost laughed. She always needed to be doing something. “Not even a little. It was a problem once. My problem.”

She rocked forward on her toes. “Oh?”

“Their friendship. The way they connected. It was a pretty rough patch for us, but Kara set me straight.” He let himself chuckle to put her at ease. The memories were good ones, though. That was probably when they’d conceived the twins.

“Hmm. How did they meet?”

“Zak. Kara was one of his flight instructors before he moved to raptors. Lee was home on leave, came to see Zak, got cocky with Kara, and Kara just can’t turn down a challenge like that.”

“They seem very close now.”

“They are. There’s something about the way they fly together that Kara says she’s never had with anyone else. Maybe you’ll get to see. I bet they’ll come up with a way to get in the sky to say goodbye to Zak their way.”

She looked up at him. “I’ll look forward to it. I haven’t seen him fly yet, and it seems such an important part of who he is.”

He made a noncommittal noise and they stood watching for a few more minutes. When he saw Kara sit up, he steered Laura back to the group. Kara would hate to know they’d been watching her.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When they got to the airfield, there was a larger crowd than he’d expected, but he should have known. Word got out that Starbuck and Apollo were flying together, and people wanted to watch. He couldn’t blame them; it was like porn with planes. Only better.

Kara and Lee came out of the hangar side by side, flight suit arms trailing almost to the ground, and Kara smacked Lee with her helmet and sprinted to Karl, hopping up and laying a kiss on him that would have been embarrassing if it were the first time. He let her down easy, patted her ass, and murmured, “Go fly.”

She turned to look at Lee and Laura. “C’mon, Adama! Get your ass in your plane so I can kick it!”

Lee turned and gave her that look, then turned back and squeezed Laura’s hand. He caught up with Kara and they pushed at each other on their way to the planes.

The crowd laughed and started talking. Kara and Lee always put on a show, but it was never for anybody but themselves. Once they were ready to fly, they were both focused.

A mutter ran through the crowd, and Karl looked around. The Base Commandant. Wow. He straightened up to parade rest, and saluted when the woman greeted him.

“Agathon.”

“Sir.”

“Double As are flying today, I hear.”

Karl grinned. “Yes, sir.”

“Zak Adama was a good kid. Great raptor pilot. Give your wife my condolences.”

“Yes, sir.”

As she walked away, each of his kids looked up at her and saluted, too, and she returned them all. Karl had to smile, and he noticed Laura Roslin did, too. The crowd made way for the Commandant in the front, and she flipped open her chair and took a seat.

As if they’d been waiting for that signal, the viper ignitions flipped and the engines roared.

The very air vibrated with excitement and tension, leaving him feeling like a tuning fork that had been struck and then never slowed down. He could just see Kara and Lee giving each other a thumbs up. The planes started rolling, and they took off in tandem, directly over the crowd and climbing. Everyone turned briefly, but the two vipers came back around over the airfield. Someone must have told them the Commandant was watching.

They did some kind of upward spiral, and he heard Laura gasp. “Is that safe?” She moved closer to him.

He opened his mouth to answer, but the Old Man spoke instead. “It is when they do it.”

He hadn’t even noticed him showing up. “Sir. Laura Roslin. Laura, Commander Adama.”

They shook hands, and Laura said, “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“Good to finally meet you. I hear good things about you, Secretary Roslin.”

Karl grinned as the color crept up her face. She’d figure it out. He could already tell the Old Man liked her.

They all returned their attention to the planes. Up and around and over, back and forth, together and apart, leaving shapes created by the contrails off their wings.

His boys were jumping up and down, shouting things to Kara, and even Helena was looking impressed. She usually tried to pretend she’d seen it all. He heard the Old Man chuckle behind him, and he laughed, too.

They made one last run, Lee creating a tight circle, and Kara flying right through the center of it. She called it threading the needle, said it was the only kind of sewing she was ever going to do. Lee came around until they were in formation again, and he waggled his wings. Kara waggled hers. The ground shook as they landed. Karl noticed even the Commandant was on her feet.

The ladders were pushed up, Kara and Lee did their post-flight checks, and they met at the nose of their birds. Kara rushed Lee and he hugged her, pulling her off her feet and twirling her. The boys were hanging onto the fence, screaming at their mama, and she smiled as Lee put her down. They locked hands as they came back toward the crowd, arms swinging, grins as big as Helios Alpha.

As soon as she came around the fence, Markos and Kristos hopped on Kara, and she fumbled them onto her hips, dropping kisses on their faces until they giggled. She noticed the Commandant and stood taller. The woman nodded at Kara, and Kara nodded back.

As always, it took the two of them nearly half an hour to make their way through the crowd. Everyone always wanted to touch them, shake their hands, and today there was an extra undercurrent of sadness. Many of these people had known Zak Adama, known how close he and Kara had become over the years.

She stopped in front of him, lifted her face for a kiss, then said, “I’ll go shower. Fifteen minutes. You wanna wait, or am I riding with Lee?”

The Old Man spoke from behind him again. “I’ll take the kids. Helo can wait.”

“Sounds good, sir.”

The boys skipped up when the Old Man whistled, and he turned to Karl with a playful grin. “Do not help your wife shower, Agathon. Lunch is in half an hour.”

Kara cackled and threw his words back at him. “I’ll behave.” They watched him walk off toward his car and make sure all the kids were in. He tipped a finger off his eyebrow and drove off. Kara turned back to Karl. “Does he have to spoil _all_ my fun?”

He kissed her nose. “Don’t worry. You can have all the fun you can stand tonight.”

“I’m holding you to that.” She turned on her heel. “Let’s go, Adama. She doesn’t want to kiss you with you smelling like that!”

A couple of people nearby laughed, and Lee shook his head, but he exchanged glances with Laura and caught up to Kara. He put his arm around her and pulled her in tight, rubbing his face all over hers.

“Ugh. Nasty! Get the frak in the showers, you frakkin’ weirdo.”

Laura touched Karl’s arm. “I think I see what you mean. It’s an interesting dynamic.”

“That it is. You wanna sit in the car? I can turn on the AC?”

“Sounds perfect. Lee said we’re meeting you for lunch?”

“You might want to run away first. My entire family will be there, plus the Old Man, plus Lee and Kara. They’re like children after a good flight.”

“His mother?”

He shook his head. “No. She’s not much on big family gatherings.”

“So just a cozy little twenty or thirty of us, then?”

He laughed at her over the top of the car. “Kara was right about you. You are going to fit in.”

“She said that?”

He smiled and they got into the car.


End file.
